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The Spectator
Pander to puppets real or imagined.
Wear the gold in your lapel like you mean it as if it really means something about you and who you are.
Fly to the newest and greatest city and try to find the newest greatest restaurant so you can look newish and coolish to all your followers on Facebook and Instagram.
Invent something cool so that your parents can talk about you at their lunch dates with their friends. In fact, always have a coolish job or talent which your many relatives can brag about.
Wear that prized shawl that appeared this Christmas under the tree to your latest eleventh-hour party and wear it with swag.
If anyone asks, “How are you?” Always say, “I’m fine.” Even if you are anything but fine. People don’t want to know the intimate details of your little life’s dramas. Smile with an air of pleasantness. Leave people with only pleasant memories.
Don’t get real with people.
If people want your opinion, make them beg for it, for whatever opinions are uttered from your lips; those that you choose to unveil, just remember, you will die with them and they will be carved on your tombstone into infinity and they will forever attach themselves to you and to your unwitting and regretful person.
