Where Do You Stop?

What makes you want to quit?

Photo by Capstone Events on Unsplash

I’ve noticed recently how quickly I give up.

The words of friends and associates are sometimes circling on a continuous loop in my brain.

Usually, it’s the not-so-helpful words that stay with me the longest. Not sure why the brain works this way, but it certainly is effective.

I can still hear the words of one of my English teachers in my head to this day. I wanted to apply for a certain MFA Creative Writing program on the East Coast, and I asked him for a recommendation. “Kelly, you're just not ready,” he said.

I had one flattering recommendation and one which was soul-crushing. I submitted my application and began the wait. I didn’t get accepted.

After this, I gave up applying to MFA programs and I completely talked myself out of it. I justified it by telling myself that I am a woman of a certain age, and they wouldn’t want me anyway.

I’ve heard these programs are best suited for twenty or thirty-somethings. I still dream of being in one. I guess you could say I let myself believe I wasn’t good enough, and I told myself I have a long way to go.

Well, maybe this is true and maybe it’s not. But one thing I know after thinking it over is I won’t get the kind of experience I’ve been…